i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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