it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
