i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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