Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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