Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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