Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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