Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
