Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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