Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
