Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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