yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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