I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
