just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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