I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
