$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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