So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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