i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
