I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
