It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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