masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
