Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
