I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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