Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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