haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
