I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
