Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
