We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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