some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
