I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
