i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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