Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
