what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
