When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
