I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
