I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
