So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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