can we get nightvision for the apartment?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
