you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
