i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
