I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
