people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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