I intend to get homeless drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
