Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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