he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
