Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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