too bad you live with your parents still
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
