I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
