We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
