I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize