3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So much rum. So many feels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
