My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
