hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize