i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
