Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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