I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
