so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
