Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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