You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
